I know I still have a long way to go when it comes to being a easily sociable individual but I have come a long since the times of the past where I would refuse to make new friends and if I was put into a situation where I was forced to get to know new people, i'd probably rather spend it in solitude. As it is now, I at least make the effort to get to know new people. I welcome the opportunity(usually) to get to know new people. What really caused this change though?
A lot of factors actually contributed to this. You could give some of the credit to the friends I have around me. They are have no problems with just approaching someone and just talking to them. I guess thats why there in the buisness of trying to sell things to people now. (Good job Willy & Nate :-p) Somehow one has been more successful than the other though......I wonder why? hehe... I don't know. I used to love being by myself though. I remember my early years of high school where I would go out about once month with friends to do stuff with them. That one time during the month I would make the most of the time I spent with my friends. Though I would be thouroughly be satisfied with that one time during the month I spent with them.
I guess it's because i was always by myself when I was younger. It was always me and my mom. My dad was out to sea and I didn't have any brothers or sisters to socialize with. So TV and video games were my companion back in the day. As years went by, I finally realized I needed the company of others to stay sane. People are cool. You know, sometimes you take for granted the time you spend with people. Well, people you actually enjoy being with. I thank God that he intertwined the paths of all the people I've kept close to me for the past several years or more. Without them, I probably would still be that isolated kid who knew nothing about the outside world.
One person that really helped me come out of my shell even more that I really wished I coulda kept in good contact with is this girl I met in high school. Those close to me probably know where i'm heading at but I seriously need to get this out of my system. I met her in my last year of high school but didn't really get to know her until the end of the first semester. I won't tell the whole story again now cause i've told it enough already but lets just say she really changed the way I look at life and showed me how a person could care about another with love and kindness. Words were not just words coming from her. They actually meant something when it was coming from her mouth. She's the first person I actually expressed my feelings to and i've ever opened up to. I have no idea what happened between us but we just stoped talking. I'm probably blocking out all the bad stuff I did.Come to think of it, it was my fault we stoped talking. There may of been some outside factors that may have influenced me to stop keeping in contact with her but i'll put all the blame on my side for fucking up our relationship. I fucked up. There I said it. I hurt you and I can't say sorry enough. I stoped supporting you and encouraging you. I wasn't there for you when you needed me and now you've moved on. You don't need me anymore, but you know what? I think I need you again. Jesus, this is a sad cry for help. I can see that ok. But this has been going through my mind for past few months. Everytime I see you, you get even more beutiful than the last time I saw you. Then, I curse myself for making the decisions I did. I saw you again today and wish I could of just held you in my arms. I wish I could talk to you again just like the way I used to, but I know I would need a lifetime to repair what damage i've done to you. I'm sorry, I miss you, I Love you. But I don't deserve you.....
This has been on my mind for sooooo long. Though it may seem i've moved on....I really haven't. Maybe it's the lack of female companionship thats talking but this is how I feel right now. I really can't help it. Scorn me, isult me, feel sorry for me, for feeling this way. I really don't care. I needed to let it out. Thats all.
Yeah, ok, enough of that for now. On a completely different note, I REALLY want to go to this.
http://www.square-enix-usa.com/uematsu/concert/more_friends.html
May 16, 2005
Universal Amphitheatre
Los Angeles, CA
CONCERT PREVIEW
Square Enix is proud to present a new concert for the popular FINAL FANTASY® video game franchise to be performed in Los Angeles at Universal Amphitheatre. “More Friends—Music from FINAL FANTASY—With Special Guests” will be presented just one year after the first stateside performance of composer Nobuo Uematsu's award-winning music in “Dear Friends—Music from FINAL FANTASY.” The addition of special guest performers including Uematsu's own band, The Black Mages, will offer a brand-new experience to the “More Friends” audience.
Someone go with me please. Tickets should be in the 50-60 dollar range. DO IT!
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